Principal's Blog
2023 Term 2
Family Chores
My understanding is that family chores are those ongoing household tasks that family members undertake in order to have their household function as smoothly as it can. In a family there are always jobs to be done – some big and some small, some daily, some weekly, some monthly and so on. Although some tasks require an adult, there are lots of ways in which even a little child can make a contribution: setting the table, feeding the pets, cleaning up after a meal, folding the washing and so on.
I’ve been surprised in recent years at the number of children telling me that they are paid to do many of these tasks – paid to contribute to the running of the home. I am questioning whether help around the home should be a transactional experience… or an option.
What message are we giving children if we pay them to contribute to their family? What lesson or cultural practice are we conveying? Payment here seems to run the risk of the child acquiring an understanding that these tasks should be considered paid endeavours.
When do we see these payments ceasing? A possible outcome is that these children may grow to be adults who resent their future partners for expecting them to contribute and generally help around the home. It is sad to observe children who have a limited sense of contribution, who somehow miss out on understanding that they have a part to play in making things go well.
I believe that our role as parents and educators is to model and insist on behaviours that will raise children who others will want to be with. We surely want our children to experience things working better and feeling nicer through collective effort.
I saw this in action during the last holidays when I took my boys and three of their friends away for, as it turned out, a really lovely week. During this time, one of the greatest joys for me came from the ongoing active contribution made by all (aged 11, 11, 12, 13 and 13). The boys all happily and readily set the table, washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen, put the washing on the line and took the rubbish out. These tasks were done quickly and a good spirit and without any requests or prompts. And these tasks were all done well, in that not once did I have to clean up after the cleaning. It was clear to me that these boys had been raised with helping as part of the daily family ritual. Helping came automatically to them.
Children, who are not angels, will from time to time fail to live up to this standard – mine included. However, hopefully, they will have internalised an understanding that a failure to contribute is not doing the right thing. When they have weaselled out of something or have been slack, they will feel like slackers. A small prompt should get them back on track.
My experience is that more and more children, nice children, do not appear to have an awareness when they are slacking. Sadly for them, these will become the children who others do not want around. No one enjoys picking up after others, or of needing to fill in gaps that emerge from others’ lack of effort and contribution. This is a sad situation for children to find themselves in. As educators and parents, I see it as our responsibility to work to change this limiting mindset.
Working with children is an aspirational endeavour. I aspire to raise children who make their family (and their community) a nicer place to be in through their contributions. My experience is that this is best achieved through the transmission of helpful habits. Habits are rituals build over time, like cleaning up after a meal. No child emerges from the womb with this habit on ready display; it is acquired by expectation and ongoing performance.
The best we can do as parents, is raise our children with good habits, good here measured by how those habits will make others want to work and spend time with them.
Timothy Berryman (Principal)